Change

I've been spending a lot of time in recent days trying to regroup and get used to my new life. It's been difficult, but, at the same time, it's been easy. My decision to embrace sobriety is firm because I'm afraid of the consequences if I don't, but that decision presents a serious challenge to me in the somewhat fragile state in which I currently dwell. Help is coming at me in the form of support from my wonderful friends, both long-time and new, and I'm grateful to them beyond measure. I've been doing a lot of mental homework... reading, journaling, thinking, and meditating. One of my new favorite places to do all of these things is sitting in my car on the Benicia pier, staring at the river and enjoying enormous ships, tiny kayaks, jet skis, and sailboats going by, watching and listening to the Amtrack trains on the other side of the river, and seeing the antics of the many birds who visit the pier. A large flock of geese landed just offshore of me today, and had the time of their lives disrupting the seagulls who had been lazily floating around like so many corks, most likely thoroughly enjoying the pre-goose calm and serenity. This guy appeared to be totally miffed... when he first landed on this post next to my car, he squawked and screeched for minutes on end before calming down and accepting his new condition. Rather like me, I thought... I'm still squawking and screaming, but realizing I can't change what IS, and doing my best to accept the newness of my condition.

Hey, little feathered buddy... I can relate!