Words...

These words, spoken at the beginning of every AA meeting, are beginning to mean the world to me. I'd heard them at various times and places over the years, and never gave them, or the concept they represent, much thought. Until July 23... the day I attended my first AA meeting and heard them in an entirely new context. Four days before that meeting, my life had changed irrevocably. The words suddenly hit home because I realized I was no longer "in control". Had I ever been? Not a chance. Did I really want to be? Not a chance. Suddenly, control wasn't an issue any longer, and I felt immensely free. I've never been a praying woman, and I'm still not, but, somehow, it now seems okay to say these words, and these days, I even say the first word without flinching. That first word still makes me uncomfortable, but I'm working around it, and maybe one day I'll get over it. In the meantime, I feel I've reached heretofore unknown levels of serenity, acceptance, courage and wisdom... and it feels good.